Amid the sobering reality of wars, and an economy corkscrewing out of the ionosphere the prevailing question on the D.C. social circuit is, “How low can the Redskins go?” Having worked hard in past weeks to earn a last place standing in the NFC East the Redskins are fumbling toward one of their worst seasons in recent memory. I learned that the cause for this sorry state of affairs was a secret meeting that took place in the bowels of the White House in early summer. Present at the meeting were White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, President Obama (44), White House Press Secretary Rob Gibbs, and Washington Redskins owner Dan Synder.
Rahm: Mr. President, Americans are fed up with the state of the economy. Things aren’t getting better fast enough, and they are getting pissed.
44: Let’s think about this for a minute. What do you do when things have spun out of control, and you don’t have a prayer of winning?
Rob: Nominate Sarah Palin?
Rahm: We need something to harness the anger of Washingtonians so they forget about the Stimulus Plan–and I have the answer. [Pushes intercom] Let him in.
Rob: A short guy who looks like Adam Sandler is our diversion?
Snyder: [Wearing sunglasses] Mr. President, we’ll take attention off the Administration’s woes by making the Redskins the worst team in professional football. People will be so mad at the Skins you’ll be able to eat pork chops with Mullah Omar on the White House lawn without them making a peep.
44: Really? How?
Snyder: For starters, I’ll blow a hundred million on Albert Haynesworth. Then, I’ll shop for a QB to replace JC. The coup de gras will be when I strip Coach Zorn’s play calling duties. After I’m done players won’t know whether to run plays or dance the Hoe Down Throw Down during an offensive scoring drive.
Rob: That’s the dumbest idea I’ve heard since WMDs.
Cheney: Yeah! Let’s bomb somebody to smithereens, shock and awe ‘em!
Rob: Dick Cheney? What are you doing here?
Cheney: Remember those hanging chads? We’re sticking around until the Supreme Court rules on whether they can be used to overturn the 2008 election results.
Rob: You should be off collecting social security.
Cheney: Hey, tweet me pal.
Rahm: Mr. President we believe this will work, but if it doesn’t we have a fallback. We’ve lined up a guy with a silver balloon and a cockamamie story about his missing kid that’ll definitely divert the public’s attention from the economy.
Peas and carrots.
R.U.
Send me your rants about the Internet, government, business, or your love life. I guarantee that I can’t do anything about the sorry state of your love life, but I promise you that your misfortune will provide loads of amusement for millions of others.
